Father’s Day 2019 – Love And Emptiness | #NadineTheHeroine #MikaTheHero #MikaTheAngel

Nadine and me. Mika and me. … and all three of us together! The Birthday Photo. Mika. I miss you like crazy. Nadine. See you soon again. Mika. Nadine. I love you forever! And yes. Soto. Uchi. Deshi. Thank you for supporting us in our grief and emptiness! I love you too!

Nadine At The Grave – With A Painted Mika Cat | #NadineTheHeroine #MikaTheAngel #GraveVisit

Today, after a day downtown, we wwnt to the grave. Nadine had got a cat you could paint yourself – and, yay! – what talent she has! Rainbow ears and green glitterish. So beautiful an well done! After putting the cat and lightning a candle in it, she made a smiley out of autumn leaves. Tomorrow, going home. A very nice weekend to have Nadine here! I love you so much!

Exposing yourself to reach acceptance? | #Grief #Process #MikaTheAngel

Went thru ALL photos taken with this cellphone today, from February and onwards. The last months with Mika passing by in two hours. A truly exhaustive experience. But my belief is that this is needed to eventually and hopefully reach the final and last phase of the grief process – acceptance. As visiting the grave, daily. And now coming to “mostly daily”. Today added with Japanese Maple Leafs. Feeling that the grief process is catching up on us in one heavy and core aspect – deep exhaustion. So. Boosting and healing! Running yesterday. Kundalini Yoga at the studio tonighr! All…

Rules and Running | #Recovering

Three hours to get my errand at the authorities straight enough, and story not over yet. Emphatic service woman who did all what could to call those handling the files, and she really had a deep understanding. She fought to keep her tears back. All thru the afternoon! Angel of the Day! And her name is Karin. Gotta be something special with that name … THANK YOU! All in all. The system that once was there to support us, is beyond fkkd up, and puts our whole fragile society at deep risk. Spare you the details. All will be ok…

Visiting The Grave With Hedwig and Jippii | #MikaTheAngel

Today we had a visit of my mother-in-law Hedwig, with her Eurasier dog Jippii. The grief was very very strong today, when we came together. The heavy dark cloud was very dense, and on our shoulders. Felt really really hard. But good thing to share tears, and somewhere mobilizing the slightest of hope that we will survive this – together. Thank you for a fine day, with shared feelings and a great dinner. Love will push us through. Life just has to go on – as the way the grass is growing on the grave. Strong!   Note: This posting…

Grass Is Growing! | #MikaTheAngel #GraveVisit

So great to see that the seeds of love flourish in green! A visit of a debriefing nature with Peter at the funeral bureau today. A good talk! He has been, and is, so great and warm-hearted. He said that taking care of Mika had made a far more and deeper impact than usual, that he will take with him for the rest of his life. Not a single day passing by without thinking of him! A rough night before, with some three hours sleep and insomnia comedy TV, now having greater hope of getting sleep here and now! Good…

A Day In Freedom – Or What To Say? | #DayFlow #Walking #MikaTheAngel

In summary. Saturday. Sept 7, 2019. Intention in Everyday Notes. Sky. Mika? Grave. Sunflowers. And more! Shadow. Profile. Grass. Prison. Closed. Open. For The Public. Me. Outside. Sky. Sun. Mika? Me. Inside. Sky! Stream. Dreams. Brochure. Program. At Prison. Events. Culture! A song. A cat. Home. Resting. Day end. Sharing a wall note from prison. How to fill a day with meaning. Without Mika here. But … There! Being with us, you are. Miss you like crazy. __ Note: Another backdated journalling note. Reaching same day-blogging … Very soon! Hai!

Cleanup of the grave – first round | #MikaTheAngel #GriefYearOne #InProgress

Today, a new name came to me of our beloved one: #MikaTheAngel! He never wanted to be named a hero: “I am Mika!” – yes, humble and strong he was – and is! Our guardian angel is there, and talking to him every day when visiting his grave at our daily Zenith Walk. Summer officially over, and flowers in decay. They will spread grass seeds on Thursday morning, preparing for that. Life goes on. Fika in Serenity afterwards Aikido ended the night. Keeping my shite together. Still physically quite exhausted by the grieving work, but catching up. Mentally, in some…