“Coming to one-and-a-half year ago I collapsed. In the belly of my fiancée, was Mika. But we did not know then. That it was a Mika. But we knew we had a fetus with a heart disease, since a couple of weeks back. The anxiety and stress was raising. I wrote frenetically on my intended book – translated the first chapter to English. I was ready after an en excessively productive weekend in the fury of the anxiety. Sunday night, and I was a fragile fragment beyond reaching the goal. I was talking to my Karin, and we decided to visit the health care center the day after to consult an MD.
Monday came. Morning. I am sitting at the reception and cannot even get my personal number expressed in full. I say “Sixty six…” and I break into tears. I immediately ask to be placed on a gurney in the acute room. I get an acute appointment with the right doctor – for me. I have passed a barrier – I am on sick leave. And I still am. A few days later, we are on our way to Valdemarsvik, to Karin’s mother Hedwig and her residence – nick-named “Hedwigsborg”, “Hedwig’s Castle”. I am totally down-and-out. I had gotten some books with me from the City Library of Norrköping. The reading, and the music. Two companions of the most faithful kind is kept as company in the privately organized and created “hospital ward” at the first floor in the house at Tennisvägen in Grännas. I am reading a book by a neorophysiological doctor and his experience, in practice, been in the brain dead state for a week – and miraculously returned. He reported his experience about the “life on the other side” in his being-in-death-experience. There is music. There is dance. There are beings of light. There is something similar to butterflies. Timelessness, but in a room giving peace and harmony. I breathe hope, in a strange way.
I listen to a radio channel on the Internet radio station Digitally Imported. In my coma-like state of being in that bed I put my book aside and enter the music in my chosen channel “Space Dreams”. Deep-meditate after a while in the creation of music that comes to me. All of a sudden, something similar to transcendence occurs. I feel literally uplifted in my state. For the first time it feels like I am going to come back – one way or another. In the moment, I am filled with energy of life. I satisfy my curiosity on who the creator was, and what name the piece had. One hour later – sharp – I am filled with hope and energy, and a joyful gratitude, in harmony. I check my permanent musical companion of a smartphone and its display and app-interface.
“Christopher Lloyd Clarke – The Ecstasy of Being”.
I’m on to something. I start to build up a playlist on Spotify and name it “Musical Therapy”. It cannot be more clear than this. I check the author of the book – what is he doing today? In the appendix of his book, he has emptied all the scientific explanations to his experience, and concluded there is only this alternate state of being he landed in. The life in the death. And yes, amongst other stuff, he nowadays uses music and sound for therapeutical purposes. The message is clear. It feels like a calling.
With this insight as filter, and an expression to name it – “music for health” – a number of possible stories pour in to grasp the depth of meaning of what this means for me.”
In this manner, I open up for a writing in the name of “Music for Health – The Personal Experience”, which I wrote as a part of my investigation to reach a suitable work trial, to re-enter the labour market in time. Written in May 11, 2016, for the first time I share this text to anyone beyond me. Originally written in Swedish; here and now – a first draft of translation.
These writings are deeply personal and private, as you see, and I will struggle along the process of writing, translating and sharing, to learn to share at that level. I view it as a part of my therapy in doing so. This is also a part of the process of researching the phenomenon. If I enter the role modelling, will others follow? What collaborative insight and wisdom can we co-create, when it comes to music for health? Do you have some stories to share? Questions are open!
Next week, I continue to share translations of this first text I created on topic, when I’ve reached the insights I report. In next section of this text, I share a story that I feel is at a level of disclosure leading me to edit, due to my current privacy limit. The message will still be clear, but the details maybe will be edited.
Anyways, some weeks ahead, year out, I will continue sharing personal stories related to the main topic music for health.
As an end note, the music mentioned is a part of my Sunday Serenity playlist I shared past Sunday!
The production of this posting was soundtracked by Christopher Lloyd Clarke, “The Ecstasy of Being”, “Across the Sky”, and “Untold Depths”. The posting is a part of the #blog101 challenge, where I dedicate 101 featured postings towards the subject Music For Health (#Music4Health).