Let the forest be our healer. In Grännäs, Valdemarsvik, at my mother-in-law Hedwig. Co-grief. Just took a forest therapy walk, and an evening tea after that. Now in bed. We will be here until Wednesday. Photos from back and front view from the house, “Hedwigsborg” – Castle of Hedwig. Sleep, holy sleep, come! And let Mika come through in my dreams tonight to hear him say he is ok!

We survived – barely – the first night without Mika. Sleep came to us against all odds, in rounds of three. Mantras help! Yesterday every single breath was a victory against the Big Black Hole who wants us dragged in and disappear. The pain convulsions waving through the body in the shock state faded out just a bit in the late afternoon/early night. They come still, but not with the same frequency and magnitude.

Now, lived through beyond the first 24 hours since the loss, it feels like I have that black hole on a safety distance, prepared to take on the hardest work of all after the worst thing that can happen – the loss of your child.

This breakfast got so obvious he is no longer with us here. He is elsewhere. Every molecule in the home reminds us of him. Today we had a goodbye at the hospital in the bye-bye room at noon. It was so peaceful. He got some stuff he will have with him in the grave, some toys and his favourite sweater he will wear,

We are like zombies. We need all the support we get, and we’re gonna ask for professional sorrow therapy. A call from the counselor at the clinic in Linköping was done today as well, dealing with all the practicalities.

We also made the call to the funeral bureau, and we will have a first meeting next Thursday.

Be with us, as you already have been. Thanks for all the condolences that have flooded in like a tsunami. We know Mika meant alot for many, and the response proves this. The deep impact he made. The mark he did on all the hearts. He was a love bomber all his four years on Earth, and you got hit!

I also spoke to Nadine today. She is coping and gets through it, with close support from her mother and distant support from me. The last sibling hug captured on image from end of June is here.

We have had great support IRL through the day. Linn drove us to the hospital and followed in to the bye-bye room. We met with Karin’s cousin Frank with family – Signe, and their son Erland. The first time meeting their son. So hard to have a first meet at this time! After that, Hanna and Daniel showed up, all heart-broken. Daniel gave us a ride to Valdemarsvik with the cats for our grieving retreat. Thank you all, friends and family!

Karin and I will take care of each other with the best of our abilities, but continue with the support out there! Added with professional supportive talks of therapy, I know we’re going to survive the sorrow, but never gonna stop missing our little hero. Ever.

Now, taking care of us, in a bed missing Mika which should be tucked in goodnight exactly at this time if life did not take this brutal and unfair turn. Life will never be the same.

We keep track of the essentials. Food. Drink. Sleep. Talk. Cry. Talk. Cry. Talk. Forest walks. Music. And all the healing powers that be.

Good night!

#MIKATHEHERO – I ❤️ U 4EVAH